Period X
by skittlestars
Summary: The X Men have to speak at a local Junior High. This can't go over too well. Completely fake stuff, ispired by real stuff! Just getting off the ground, so stay tuned! FINALLY UPDATED!
1. Just Getting Started

AN- My fanfic or X-Men, I've written mostly for the TV Show NCIS until now, having discovered the X-Men area though, why not? Something inspired by the daily madness called school. Thinking maybe four chapters in this, just to break all the parts up. Can happen in any universe I geuss, there are only very few mentions of a specific continuity.

Period X is something like an assembly period where I go to school, we all go listen to announcements and have guest speakers or school clubs do something. The "X" is really on our schedules, by the way.

I OWN NOTHING!!!!

Chapter One- Just Getting Started

Jean Grey pulled the car into a free parking space, just under the glaring window of the junior high the X-Men were scheduled to speak at today. It was built right into the hallway, where she could see kids spilling out of the classrooms, some to their lockers to grab an extra something, and others dashing off to their next class.

It was a mosaic of colorful, wild outfits, exactly like the Institute, the only difference maybe being that here, none of the children were getting smothered by a shower of feathers created in mid-air by the reality-warpers, pranked by the telepaths into repeatedly banging their heads against the wall, having their hair set on fire by angry ex-es, or being forced to skate down a set of stairs by Bobby Drake. Oh, and teachers weren't threatening to bring down the wrath of Mother Nature if he ever posted the video on all the classroom screens again.

Jean chuckled to herself. She and Scott had snagged a videotape from one of the students (saying, of course, they should be ashamed of themselves for thinking watching Ms. Munroe literally fly down the stairs was funny enough to buy the video from Bobby's tiny window shop) and were playing it endlessly on Cerebro's new external data player, much to the amusement of the Professor and Logan, as well as hysterical laughter from Kitty, Rouge, and Bobby.

She checked her watch, Scott's Christmas present, and rolled her eyes. Snow, rain, and sleet had considerably delayed their time. Jean glanced up at the mirror. Ororo was grinning evilly, all too proud of her handiwork.

'Okay, people. May as well get this done with. Scott! Logan! Stop fighting over those coupons from the go-kart alley. I hate fast cars with kids in them!', she said, unable to stop the stray thoughts in the car.

They fell into line behind the Professor's wheelchair, as the principal, a chubby, balding middle-aged man led them in to the crowded auditorium. Kitty could almost feel the freshmen staring at her ass in her tight uniform. _Ughhh, I should've asked if I could wear the gym clothes. _Scott, who was in front of her, adjusted his glasses slightly and cleared his throat.

Girls, and even a couple female teachers seated on the sides were obviously outright staring at him, as he tried to be the dignified leader. Jean grinned and pulled him from the line, giving him a quick hug as the climbed to the stage. _I know what you're thinking_, she silently laughed to the crowd.

'Good Morning, Students', the principal said into the mic. 'Today, we're extremely privileged to have the X-Men, a group of erm... highly _gifted_', he added a glance at the Professor, who simply nodded,

'-individuals here to speak about their daily lives at the Xavier institute, their role in some recent, erm...

events, and of course, how important it is to be different! All yours, X-Men!' The man was obviously relieved to come off the stage, to scattered applause and a few shouts of 'Coool, it's mutants!' and 'Dude, this is lame, you can just TiVo Letterman!' and 'Who wants to bet Red's seen way more than just Four-Eyes _real_ eyes over there!', which was met with a chorus of 'Ten!' and 'Twenty!'

Rouge groaned. And to think she was getting _away_ from the Institute. The professor wheeled up to the podium. ' Well, hello, everyone. I'm Professor Charles Xavier, head of the Xavier Institute, a school for people with unique gifts and talents. Through the course of this presentation, we'll look at these gifts and how my X-Men use theirs to help others. First, let's just have them introduce themselves to you, then we'll watch a video prepared by the Film Club, after which we'll answer questions.' Ororo looked down. It was beginning to sound like the Professor had finally hit his inner boring principal. Never mind he should have learned his lesson from making Boris, a mutant form Kansas, fall asleep during one of his assemblies, which had resulted in several hundred thousand dollars in repairs when his fiery drool destroyed the media wing.

_And to think this is JUST getting started._

**Reviews are always appreciated, but I will still update regardless if I get a ton of reviews or not. A few is just fine!**


	2. Wasn't the Phoenix in harry Potter?

Chapter 2- Wasn't the Phoenix in _Harry Potter_?

Bobby had tuned out somewhere in the middle of the talk on the science of mutations (laden with enough heavy bio-scientific terms to make even Jean rub her eyes and recite the elements to herself to keep sane) and some kid popping an enormous bubble over his emo-pants hair and getting chased out by an angry woman with cats on her clothing who seemed the librarian type. Bobby shuddered. He'd learned from the librarian at Xavier's- a four-foot-eleven stick who had the same thing for books as the Remy kid down the hall had for cards- that these people would give Magneto nightmares.

Logan heaved a sigh, and ran his fingers over the back of his hands, wishing he'd opted to stay with the baby mutants and finger paint a sunset._ Least there's beer in Scott's cooler._

_There's what in your cooler?_ Jean sent a dirty glare towards Scott. _What? Geez, at least I don't keep it under the sink in boys' room like Logan's _reading_ material. _The Professor's head whipped back. _Dear Lord...and I thought screening the mail would bring an end to those things turning up in physics books!_

'-erm, yes, well, that is a brief description of mutant phenomena. Thank You for your attention. Now, my X-Men have the stage, and while they tell you about themselves and what they do, please feel free to ask questions. I checked, they don't bite.' He closed his speech, staring out at a sea of relieved faces. One slight boy in the front row shot up, clapping loudly and hooting, the bottoms of his already-too-short jeans rising even higher. Bobby snorted. _And I thought only Scott was that much of a suck-up._

'Jean, why don't you go first?', he invited, and Jean stepped forward, sending a slight mental jab to Bobby.

'Hi, everyone! Wow, uh, I haven't done a whole lot of public speaking in a little while,but, hi, again! My Name is Jean Grey and I'm one of the X-Men.' A couple of boys near the back hooted, collapsing into giggles when she glanced over. 'No, I didn't have a sex change, it's just a general term. _Sorry._' The auditorium erupted into giggles and the boys gaped. 'Man, she toasted you', another kid laughed. Jean waited for the auditorium to quiet, then went on.

'My powers are...hard to explain. I'm a telepath, yes, that means I can read you thoughts and I also-yes?'

She nodded towards a girl in an aisle seat, doodling on the sleeping boy in front of her. 'Hey, you ever cram for a test and tele-cheat?', she asked, leaning back to admire her work. Scott gave a slight twitch.

It wasn't like he hadn't done it off her either. Psychic links were like that.

'Not that I _remember_. ', Jean told her with a smile. 'So, as I was saying, my other power is...I'll just say moving things with my mind. I just concentrate on something and oh- there we are.' She levitated

a cell phone out of a girl's hand, sending the kid diving for the floor. Jean's eyes widened, thinking for a second the thing might blow up or send a crisis signal to an alternate dimension, but relaxed when she saw the huge font of the text on the screen.

WESLEY CRESHOLM IS MY ANGEL. _Oops._

Jean cleared her throat between the giggles and gasps of kids who were reaching up and craning their necks to see it, plopping back down in their seats satisfied with the day's latest gossip.

'I'm sure that you all think that it must be pretty cool. But, as I'm sure the others would want you to know, it's a challenge in itself just to accept the fact you have special powers, let alone learn to control them. Look, I still make mistakes today!', Jean grinned and looked at the floating phone. A little kid squished between two older members of the wrestling team raised his hand. ' Are you dead? 'Cause it was on the news and it said you died. Can I have a picture? 'Cause it would be awesome if I could prove ghosts exist. Like, I'd be richer than Bill Gates!' Jean sighed. The question after all, was inevitable. She'd always started off a brand new school year with _'Yes, I was dead over the summer. Where were you? That aside- welcome to a new year at the Xavier Institute!'_

'Yes, I was...sort of...dead. See, there's this, uh, entity that's called the Phoenix Force that decided to use me as a host. So every little while, I die, but always come back.'_ Though I think next time they're de-aging me... a lot._ 'That's what I mean, these powers that we have, they can be complicated and hard to get over.'

'Wasn't the Phoenix that thing in Harry Potter?', a girl shouted out. 'Won't JK Rowling, like sue you?'

Jean shrugged. So that's why the kids had gone to calling her 'Fawkes' when the book had hit the shelves. 'Well, I believe in living life one day at a time and taking things as they come. Rouge, would you like to go next?'

'Hey, Wait!! Can I have your number?!', one of the wrestlers shouted after her. Scott pulled Jean toward him, and Logan popped the slightest hint of his claws. Glaring at them, Jean turned back toward the students and grinned. 'Look, being different doesn't mean you can't have a life. I've got my perfect boyfriend right here!'

There were a couple of chuckles, and a snort from Bobby. Rouge stepped forward, rolling her eyes at a couple of pink-clad girls dabbing on lip gloss.

'Hi. Mah name's Rouge, and ahm-', she was instantly interrupted by a kid who at age somewhere-around-fourteen had the perfect game-show host tone.

'Do YOU know the words to every Charlie Daniels song?'

So yeah, there's the second chapter. Next up we'll have Cyclops, some tomatoes, and intros from Storm and Logan, and later, the world premiere of what the Mutants in A/V Club have put together! Reviews are appreciated, not required!


	3. Gimme the Money

This one's longer to make up for not updating in a long while. Hopefully you guys are still reading!!!

Jean groaned. Rouge had needed to be pulled offstage by the school's newly minted paid-by-the-hour security guards, guys who looked like they'd programed a 'Hank' and a 'Peter' into their image inducers, after she'd ripped off her gloves and dove into Alex Trebeck Junior, ready to suck his soul out of his mouth. An intermission had been announced, mostly to allow the boy to get wheeled out to the nurse's office, screaming about the Teletubbies. Jean had hated that show, even as a five year old. It seemed to broadcast all these disturbingly saturated and colorful thoughts. Always gave her a headache.

Like the thoughts ringing around in the hall. _Wow, the X-Men are like totally creepy. What is up with the bald dude, physics isn't even on my list this year! That Jean Grey..._damn_! Am I the only one who thinks Wolverine was the guy in_ Australia_? Cyke is _sooo _hot. _Had they really been that bad?

She and Kitty were perched on the tops of the sink tables in the girls washroom, while Ororo had flipped over a garbage can and was sitting on the bottom, using a tissue dispenser for a footrest, completely unteacher-like . ' Well, we probably killed our chances of having positive human-mutant relations in the future.', Kitty sighed, toying with her boot buckles. 'I wouldn't be so harsh.', Jean told the younger girl. Ororo shook her head and laughed. 'She's right Kitty. They won't see mutants as dangerous anymore, we'll simply be crazy. From SHEILD's sub-basement to a cozy padded room. Quite a leap, ladies.' Jean glared in return, which only spurred Storm even more.

'Jean, you practically used Scott as a pole up there. Xavier managed to put the weaker ones to sleep, and you've managed to pinpoint our school for lawsuits from some British children's author. Not to mention that ridiculous country music jab that sent Rouge out of the frying pan.' Kitty's eyes widened. 'The frying pan...Geez, where've you been picking up English anyway? Emma? Or that TV Show version of her on the angsty thing about Logan and the rest of us that Xavier only signed the deal for because he realized eleven-year-olds are the world's most marketable demographic?' Jean laughed at that one.

'Tell you what, Ororo, if you can somehow keep the kids' attention and get our squeaky Prof X reviewed and approved reputations back, Kitty and I will hand over _all_ the profits from that fake 'School Benefit' Circus Kurt set up.', Jean told her with a chuckle. ' Y'mean the thing that was on CNN at that bar Logan took me to? That let's-demonstrate-acrobatics-by-hanging-Nick-Fury-from-Xavier's-bathroom-window? I'm sure the Republicans love us, Jean.'

Jean jerked back with a small smile. 'Since when do you go to bars with Logan?' Storm shrugged and held out her hand to shake on it. 'Fine. With the way the markets are, I could use several thousand dollars in replay royalties.', she said, ignoring the looks on her teammates faces.

Cyclops, fearless leader of the X-Men, was cowering in a corner, trying to throw off a gang of mixed bubbly tween girls and hardcore comic geeks holding out posters and trade editions. _Crap, who the __heck is Grant Morrison, anyway? And since when can you buy a poster of me...shirtless?! _Really, he was far more worried about that part, what would Jean do to him if she thought he was posing for half nude shots? A litany of threats ran through his mind. _Ah, she wouldn't do that. She's only ever threatened Emma with that one..._

SPLAT! His thoughts were interrupted by the squishy impact of some red (weren't they all?) slimy...thing. 'Hey!', he shouted into the empty hallway. 'Hey! Fine, I have your moth-', he stopped short of his favorite threat at the Institute,'-Principal's number!' SPLAT! 'Hey!' SPLAT!! Scott whirled, his eyes sweeping to the open hallway window. _Hey, I knew that._

Rushing to the ledge, he scanned the litter-filled, yet otherwise empty schoolyard. _I must be going..._

SPLAT! 'HEY!'

Scott found a tree near the fence, from which a group of young boys were perched, a box of 'Granny Goodness' Best Tomatoes'. _Now I've Got you! _He leaned over the edge of the window, nearly laughing as he aimed his visor at a branch just under the boys. They wouldn't fall, but they'd be scared enough to stop. However, no amount of Danger Room practice prepared him for the janitor's hallway-wide

broom. 'Whoooaaa!' He took quick stock when he landed. Nothing broken...but... 'Dude! Will you sign my copy of _Ultimate X-Men #38?'_

Jean only wondered a little bit when Scott was nowhere to be seen after the 'intermission'. She was too busy containing herself as Ororo began her introduction to the students. For all her intelligence, Jean's friend still hadn't learned never to make a bet with a telepath, despite the face she'd once cleaned Storm out a month's salary when she'd bet on Logan taking dance classes. It hadn't exactly been easy (or pretty), but she'd taken Scott out for dinner at New York's hottest upscale eatery that night.

'My name is Ororo Munr-' She was interrupted right on cue by a boy in a Football team windbreaker. ' Hey, that sounds like Oreo!!! Do you twist, dip, and lick??', he boomed, producing a moment of silence, as Xavier's jaw hit the stage floor, before the room erupted into laughter. _As long as the world churns out pubescent boys, it will churn out dirty jokes,_ Jean recited to herself. _And you will be cleaning the school from floor to ceiling instead of attending that genetics conference with Hank in addition to running an extra danger room session with Logan every morning for a month. Hopefully, somewhere along the line you'll realize that you are a role model, not some dirty teenage boy fantasizing about Emma. _The Professor shot back.

_Excuse me? I'm not your 'student' anymore, I'm an adult and you can't punish me. _Jean gave him a sideways glare. _Really, I hadn't noticed. If I recall correctly, that's the exact type of behavior a certain eleven-year-old telepath was assigned the same punishment for a while back. _The Professor's mouth twitched.

_You are so...gay._ Jean pouted like a child denied ice cream. The room still thundered with laughter.

Kitty and Bobby looked to be between mortified and close to killing themselves with pent up laughter. Logan held a small, secret , grin. _Ha, I'm still an adult, you CAN'T MAKE ME. _Jean was proud of her sudden breakthrough. _What would Scott think if he knew about those fantasies you have about that Australian actor dressed as Wolverine?_

_Blackmail. Like you don't look twice every time we open up the pool. That is illegal, Mr. Xavier._

_So is mind wiping traffic cops and threatening a senator to 'Go Phoenix' on him if he doesn't pass some law to exempt mutants from having to pay GST._

_And I use misuse_ my _powers? _

_Well...fine, you may attend the conference, however, you will do those sessions with Logan. You could use the exercise._

_And what does that mean?_

In their climaxing psi-debate, Jean and Xavier hadn't realized Logan beginning his introduction, stepping tactfully in front of a bewildered Ororo. 'I'm the Wolverine...I'm the very best at what I do.'

He stopped suddenly, realizing what 'do' implied to a roomful of kids who would drop dead if they say Emma's shadow. 'I mean...I'm a highly trained X-Man who....' spare giggle rocked the room. 'I'm uh, Logan from Canada, well I was...' _OH COME ON!_


	4. Pure Gold

AN-Logan's _French Connection UK_ Shirts are real. Just Google em!

After Scott had signed the boy's_ stupid, stupid_, comic book, he risked a peek out of his hiding place behind the bushes, slipping into military-stealth mode. He slinked into the school, silent as a government agent staking out Xavier's office. _Coast is clear. Rush door at 1200._

The halls inside were empty, paper and gum wrappers being his only company. No, nothing was burning or blowing up, nothing was even whirring in a way that signaled 'The Danger Room is trying to kill your girlfriend'. He scanned the floors, jumpy though he knew no one was there.

Under a bulletin board advertising upcoming band performances and sports games, he found a black folder, bursting with messy notes and Post-it's warning of missing assignments, with two pristine copies of X-Men trade books cramped between them. Why the Professor had ever signed the deals for the books, movies, and clothing line promotionals would forever be a mystery to him, though Logan had been thrilled to know (or find out, from following Jean around at the mall, trying to be the _better man_, and really just staring at her legs or but, or chest) FCUK was doing a line of his shirts, rushing into the dining hall and shouting 'Hey, Summers,_ F**k _is doin' shirts with me on them!Next, Bud Light'll put me on their beer cans!', in earshot of several hundred students.

Sighing, Scott wiped the tomato from his visor, and took note of the 'Writer- Grant Morrison' blurb on the first page before he tucked the other under his arm and delved into whatever sort of crap was paying for his food and beloved danger room.

Kitty's introduction had gone absolutely perfectly, following Wolverine's, which had recovered from the beginning, though had just gone as downhill as Ororo's markets after he'd once again bragged about his shirt deals. Bobby would be next, and last, before the beat-up DVD projector would be rolled in and the meticulously edited (as Bobby's friends on the AV club put it) 'Daily Life at The Xavier Institute for the Gifted' (as though the kids hadn't seen enough) would play for the final thirty minutes of the morning, before the lunch bells rung and the X-Men were free to go back to reading Hugh Jackman's IMdB page (what was up with the guy, anyway?), prank-calling CNN, 'supervising' the pool, or doing whatever it was big celebrity superheroes did.

'Hi, I'm Bobby Drake, The Rockin' Iceman!', he began, flashing the crowd with a movie-star grin. 'Boo!', shouted most of rows 5-8. 'What'd I do wrong?', He mused, shooting Jean a desperate look. He got an encouraging grin back and tugged on the bottom of his uniform, which, from the back resembled a pair of leather low riders. 'What's yo' deal, fo'?', he shouted. Kitty sighed looked the other way, thanking God that today wasn't White Rapper Wednesday.

Actually, the book was quite good. There'd been a bit about some riot at the school, strange little unrelated bits, some nice banter between he and Hank, good stuff. Wait, he was just at a part where....oh God, were he and Emma having telepathic sex? Jesus....was she....?...did he just?!....

Scott's jaw hit the floor as he...._Oh God, Jean is Gonna kill me._

Between Vanilla Ice and Eminem, Bobby had finally figured the jocks were angry at having today's games canceled because of the damage Storm had caused to the field and thought well....ice melts, right? and offered to grab the tape from the van, though not before he'd set off on a tirade that Kitty was sure even Ice T would have gone and worked for Build-A-Bear after. Jean tapped her foot on the stage, tired of having to stand there while teenage boys ogled her and Kitty. It wasn't like she wasn't used to it, but it was irritating and slightly unnerving when it was two hundred flat human eyes, rather than a few dozen unique twists on the peepers that were at least a treat to look back at.

Scott slammed his hand into the keypad of the school's lobby pay phone._ Grant Morrison, my girlfriend is gonna go Phoenix on you!That is...when I find you. Stupid New York Phone Book! This is almost as bad as the friggin' subway lines! _

_Scott? What is it now?No, don't tell me, you've been drenched in tomatoes by a bunch of idiot teenage boys and forced to sign comic books by some Scottish writer you're trying to find in the phone book._

Scott looked back in the hallway. Empty. God...what if the tomatoes had somehow reached his brain...what if he was...gasp...losing his grip? _Shut up, Scott. Only the man who married my clone, didn't tell me, and has had at least five alternate universe children with me would forget I'm a telepath. _

_By the way, why have tomatoes invaded your brain?_

Jean could feel shock on the other end of the psychic line._ Perfect._

Bobby was rummaging around on the car floor, looking past old car magazines and emergency civvies, digging through piles of McDonald's boxes and Twizzler bags, shredded reports on the economy, and lingerie (_lingerie?!_), plunging his fingers in between the gaps to find the familiar sharp square edge of his DVD case. He finally pulled a case from under last week's TV Guide (_could they really do that much waiting in the car?_) He ran through the tape quickly on the car's DVD player, fast forwarding through the opening credits.

_Oh...Crap_. The more Bobby flicked through the thing the more obvious it became. Somebody (or multiple somebodies—_Jamie_) had taped over the original footage, instead replacing the _really meticulously edited- _he hadn't wanted to risk more of Jean's wrath- cut with a beautifully retouched,

crystal-clear tell-all of all that went on behind the School's gates. It was all here. Scott's secret germophobia. Ororo's Obama wall. The Professor's secret closet of color-coordinated wheelchairs and a brutal TK fight in the cafeteria. Logan being pissed at the oven and popping his claws into Jean's apple pie, then buying a replacement at Wal-Mart, going around for the rest of the day with a Magneto replica helmet on his head.

Not only was the stuff terrible, demeaning, insulting, disrespectful, and utterly rebellious, It was also..._Pure Gold. _


	5. A True To the Books XMen Movie Part One

Bobby rushed into the gym, sidestepping a tomato trail in the hallway. Scott had blasted the phone book, now a smoking pile of ash in a corner. ' You have Frank Castle's number, right, Drake?', the X-Men's leader asked in a low, menacing, voice. 'I'm thinking maybe you mean Rehab Castle's, Summers. Jeez, you need to get out more.'

Bobby shook the sight of Cyclops threatening to drop his pants if he didn't get Frank's number from his head as he pushed open the double doors to the auditorium. And they called Jean disturbed. They were a match made in a white padded room, those two. 'Dude, it's the Eminem wannabe dude.', a chorus of kids buzzed. 'I am not a wannabe!', he muttered.

_Need I remind you of your ventures into Flo Rida last Sunday morning at 1100 hours? I believe you were also fantasizing about what would be to happen if Rouge got Low, Low, Low. I am the omnipresent. You are a wannabe. _

Bobby gulped. Since when did Gods sound like Simon Cowell on Scotch? Come to think of it, after this whole thing was over, he was totally going to book rooms next to Summers.

The principal, muttering expletives under his breath, complaining about the cost of tomato stain removal, trudged up to the podium. 'Ah, what an interesting morning we've had, hm, children?' he was met with steely glares. 'Er, I meant, the X-Men certainly are educational! They should do wonders for getting the board to increase our budget! Did I just say that out loud? My God, this is not good for my blood pressure.'

The kids gave awkward coughs and eye rolls while he half-ran, half-stumbled off the stage. 'We should get together at Harry's after school. They give teachers free vodka.', Professor Xavier whispered to him.

Bobby and Jean hooked up the player and popped in the disc, stopping it at a picture of the grounds, just before the opening credits. Logan, who was president of the AV Club this semester, pointed up at the screen. 'Okay, bubs, I know most a' you brats are as unenlightened as a dead Buddha, but yer gonna learn what art is. This is art, y'got it? It's a true-to-the-books X-Men movie! Which is really hard to get these days! Hit the lights, Jeannie!'

Daily Life at the Xavier Institute for the Gifted

A Jamie Madrox Production

with help from

Peter Rasputin

Hank McCoy

and Emma Frost

Generously funded by Professor Xavier's Offshore Accounts

and his American Express Card

Extra copies may be ordered from Bobby Drake's Window Shop

We are not responsible if stupid mutants see this and try dangerous things, or if mutant haters egg the school tomorrow

Enjoy!

'Hey! This is Jamie!', Jamie said into the camera. "and so is this. And this! And This!' Multiple Jamies popped off in the empty courtyard.

'Yes, Madrox, work the crowd. You'll need to if you want to keep this bunch of twits awake for the very...best part.', Emma told him, the camera quickly jumping to her, seductively stretched out on the fountain bench, her glove dipping in the water.

'I'd give the kids credit, Emma. Jubilee even managed to stay awake for my entire algebra class.', Hank, dressed in a shirt that read 'Team Scott Summers Needs a Mental Ward, STAT!', said. Emma shook her head. 'She's dating that little telepath boy, didn't you know? She was only so alert so she could hear him spilling every delicious detail of our lives from your unguarded thoughts into hers.' Emma sat up with a small smile. 'Peter, rotate that camera, would you? I think my left profile looks best...oh, never mind, according to that script there on the wall, It's Hank's turn to bore us all with Shakespearean analogies for butterflies.'

'Oh, yeah!' Peter's camera followed Jamie to Hank. This is Hank McCoy, the only smart guy over 300 pounds I've ever met. Yeah, yeah, Blob can open the door, but this guy had like twelve Ph D's!' A second Jamie threw his arm across Hank's Shoulder. 'Yeah, and he's also got a fashion sense. Buy a shirt encouraging putting Summers in rehab and help young mutants everywhere! Okay, now we're gonna go on a tour. Peter, will you put the camera on the welcome sign? It'll be like a title card. Dr. McCoy? Lead the way!'

'Oh, fine, don't introduce me!', Emma muttered, hurrying after Hank and the crowd of Jamies.

'Well, I suppose it would only be logical to begin here. This is the school's main lobby. Peter, can you see all of that? All right. This is usually where we welcome guests and new students- 'and the part that gets blown up the most!', Jamie cut in. 'Uh-huh. As I was saying, this will be your portal into the Xavier Institute. Let's just take the history behind this trophy case for example. This is the first accolade I received here.', he pointed at a trophy that read 'Student Top Academic Recognition Award'. Jamie poked his head in closer. 'See, we told you he was smart. He won it six times in a row!' Another Jamie poked the glass in front of another trophy. 'Cool, there's an honorary 'Cool Ways to Die' Award! Jean wins it a bunch of times, then Emma wins one for being shot as a diamond...whoa...'

'Yer Gonna die if I don't find the nearest Wal-mart.' Logan growled. Peter shifted the camera to him.

'I smelled something...off, a'right...so I followed this--this smell to the kitchen. Popped open the oven and there was...this thing in there, so naturally, I pop my claws, 'cause we got students to protect, right? So when the smoke clears, I see it's just Jean cookin' an apple pie, so no threat. Only think is, I gotta find another one 'fore Summers rats me out and there is no way yer comin' near a stove, Frost!'

'Fine, Logan, be that way. But I do have GPS...which probably still wouldn't help you, would it now?'

Hank shook his head. 'Jean was cooking? You don't see that as a threat? Logan. We have students to protect! No one here wants to see a repeat of last term's Parent/Teacher Interviews! It's bad enough these children are mutants, we don't have to turn them into walking piles of biohazards!

'Hey hank, what about the new kid? He um, is a walking pile of biohazards.', Jamie asked. 'Yeah, we can't be racist on camera.'

'How's that being racist? He's a mutant just like you!'

'Then we can't be...mutant-ist!'

'Oh, yeah! That works!'

'That kid needs help.', Logan whispered to Peter as he pushed his way out the doors. 'I agree. They all need help, my friend.'

PART TWO NEXT!


End file.
